I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I need a beard to bite.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
