I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
