We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
