im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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