I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Randomize
