Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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