this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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