My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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