i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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