Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
