i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Randomize
