There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Walk of Shame today included voting.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Randomize
