Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
