just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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