i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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