the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
