positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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