I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
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