the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
