I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
