Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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