did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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