forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Randomize
