Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
