So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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