Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
