if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
