you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
