There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
me + whiskey = a bad person
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
