question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
