Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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