What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
