haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
