Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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