I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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