Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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