Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I FOUND THE LEGS
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
