You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I don't usually arrange sex via text message
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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