I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
