It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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