I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
