What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
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