it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
