Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
