Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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