Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
