I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
