I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
nutella sex= disaster
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
