If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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