Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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