I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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