you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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