she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
