They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
